Thursday, February 14, 2013

Nicholas Sparks: Who Dies? Safe Haven edition.

 Disclaimer: It goes without saying, you shouldn't read this post if you haven't seen the movie and knowing the deceased party will ruin it for you.  Also, you probably shouldn't read it if you think The Notebook is one the most romantic books/ movies ever.    

There's a new Nicholas Sparks movie out just in time in Valentine's Day!.  So those of you in happy coupledom get to endure two hours of beaches, kissing in the rain, shirtless Josh Duhamel, and emotional manipulation! But lest you decide to break up with your significant other so you don't have see Safe Haven, this Nicholas Sparks movie has a twist! It's a thriller-- well a Sparksian-take on a thriller anyway.  It's like The Notebook as written by M. Night Shamymalan.

Premise:  Katie (Julianne Hough) flees Boston to a sunny, coastal town in North Carolina (of course) after she maybe killed a guy (or at least hurt him).  But hey, she totally had her reasons, okay?  However, a meanie Boston police detective (David Lyons) just won't let sleeping dogs lie and is trying to track down Katie.  Once in North Carolina, Katie immediately finds work as a waitress and rents a shabby chic cabin in the woods.  Even though she's trying her best to avoid all human connection (smart girl), she quickly becomes friends with her neighbor Jo (Cobie Smothers aka. Robin from How I Met Your Mother), whom no one else in the town talks to or knows about.  Katie soon finds herself falling for a handsome store owner Alex (Josh Duhamel), who lost his wife to cancer and has two cute kids.  However, because of Katie's dark past, she's not sure if entering into a relationship with Alex is a good idea.

Who dies?:  Alex does.  Katie kills him because she's really a crazy murderess. No, just kidding.  The truth is wayyyyy weirder.  So, it turns out the detective isn't interested in finding Katie just because she's a (possible) murderer on the lam.  It's really because he's her abusive ex-husband, whom she stabbed but didn't kill. Predictably, he catches up with her in NC and a messy fight ensues.  Alex's store starts ablaze and the evil ex dies in the scuffle.  Everybody else makes it out okay, though most of Alex's store is destroyed.

But that's not even the craziest twist!  Cue the theremin, because Jo is really Alex's dead wife. SHE'S REALLY DEAD! I know that sounds like I'm making that up.  But that actually happens!  She just wanted to make sure Alex chose the right replacement.  Now that he's happily ever after with Katie, Jo can cross over.

For more Nicholas Sparks spoilers, check out my earlier posts.   Or if I haven't totally ruined it, you can check out the book!

*Seriously though, you definitely should break up with them.  Unless you want to have to see every Nicholas Sparks adaptation for the rest of your life.  Doesn't dying alone sound more pleasant?