Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Flock of Seagulls Awards: Best Achievements in Hair and Grooming

After two years of doing the Beardys, I'm officially over beards.  I'm sick of talking about them.  I'm sick of seeing them.  I'm even over Ryan Gosling having one (scorpion jacket? okay, beard? no!).  So instead of awarding the bewhiskered this year, we will celebrate the weird and the wonderful world of hair in pop culture this year. 

I will, however, award a solo Beardy to Jason Segel for most disgusting facial hair in honor of his wispy mutton chops in the Five-Year Engagement...ew.  Unfortunately, I couldn't find a picture on the interwebs of Segel's chops, so here's my mock-up.  The real version is much more terrifying:

Now on to the Flock of Seagull's Hair Awards:

Best Hair Performance by a Group: The cast of Parks and Recreation.
Okay, I'm slightly biased.  Donna (played by Retta)  has more or less my exact haircut.  However, the rest of the Parks department has enviable hair too.  Pawnee must have some pretty good stylists!

Best Hair Performance by an actor:  Kit Harrington as Jon Snow from Game of Thrones.
So pretty, I'm jealous of his curls!

Best hair performance by an actress:  Connie Britton as Tami Taylor from Friday Night Lights.  Pretty much every woman in Hollywood has a good head of hair, but if I could only pick one to emulate, it would have to Mrs. Taylor's big, wavy blond coiffure. 

Best Bangs:  Hannah Simone as Cece on New Girl

Best Masterpiece Theatre hair performance by an actor:   Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock Holmes on Sherlock.
Besides solving crimes, playing violin and generally being a pain in the neck, Sherlock knows his way with a curling iron!

Best Masterpiece Theatre hair performance by an actress:  Laura Carmichael as Lady Edith Crawley on Downton Abbey
Sure, she might be the last Crawley sister to marry, but she has the coolest hair.  Spinster power!

Best Red Head: Christina Hendricks as Joan Holloway/ Harris on Mad Men.
Sorry Conan!

Most Red Heads in a single filmThe Help
Including Emma Stone, Jessica Chastain, Bryce Dallas Howard, Sissy Spacek, and Allison Janney.

Toughest Bald Dude:   Michael Kenneth Williams.
 He played Omar on the Wire,  Chalky White on Boardwalk Empire, and a super intense Biology instructor on Community.  We would never mess with him.   

 Most Evil Bald Dude: Mark Strong
 We're sure Mark Strong is a nice guy.   He just never plays one.  

Silver Fox Award:  John Slattery

Best/ Worst Comb-over: Colin Farrell as  Bobby Pellitt from Horrible Bosses.

Hairiest Super Hero:  Chris Hemsworth as Thor in Thor and the Avengers

Just say no to bleach: Michael Fassbender as David in Prometheus 
Blonde robots do not have more fun.

Too much mousse:  Jack Gleeson as Joffrey Baranthium on Game of Thrones.
Seriously, it looks like it would hurt to touch that mane. 

Hairiest Rocker: Father John Misty aka. Josh Tillman (formerly of the Fleet Foxes).
Now we know what Thor does during his time off.

ROY G. BIV award: Rihanna
The award for the ability to rock multiple hair colors.

Most Overrated Hair:  Justin Bieber.  
Add an extra dollop of mouse and bleach, and he's rocking the Joffrey.

Worst Haircut Launched By a TV Show:  Puck's Faux hawk on Glee
If you are going to have a mohawk, than you should commit to it.  Yes, you will ruin the ozone with the hairspray required to keep your hair vertical. Also, you will still look stupid.  But at least your hair will have integrity.

Worst Hair Movie of Last YearTinker Tailor Solider Spy.  
I really liked this British spy drama, but the hair is kind of a 70s train wreck, especially Tom Hardy's do. 

Lifetime Achievement in Disgusting Hair: Nicholas Cage
Nicholas Cage is definitely not afraid to commit to a role, even if that means having unwashed and unflattering hair.