Monday, June 6, 2011

Second Annual Beardys: Hollywood edition

Last year, we compiled a list of the best facial hair in music.  While, the beard trend continues to grow, even invading the once clean cut J. Crew catalogs, the facial hair landscape in music hasn't really changed that much since last year (minus Dan Auerbach retiring the gingerbeard!).  So, instead this year's beardys will focus more on the bewhiskered in film and television.

First, we do have three musical award updates first though:

Best Ginger Beard (Issued in memory of Dan Auerbach's Beard): Robin Pecknold from the Fleet Foxes.
On a non-facial hair related note, I'm totally digging the Fleet Foxes' new album, Helplessness Blues

Best Creepy Uncle Mustache:  George Lewis Jr., Twin Shadow.  He also wins the Steven Patrick Morrissey Award for best pompadour in popular music.

Check out Twin Shadow's excellent debut album,  Forget!

Best Beard in Rap: Rick Ross
Check out one of his albums!

Fret not, for more discussion of beards in music, check out New York Mag's excellent Beard Symposium

Now, the Beardys go to Hollywood:

Most Swoon-worthy beard:  Ryan Gosling.
I'm not saying that Ryan Gosling has a face that launched a million beards, but how many dudes under the age of forty had a beard before Half Nelson?  And now every hipster in the city of Chicago is happily bewhiskered...hmmm... But Gosling does know how to wear a beard right.  Without a beard, he looks too clean-cut and boyish, but with stubble, he's just the right amount of rugged.
Check out the dreaminess in one of his films!

Best Brooding Beard: Michael Fassbender, Jane Eyre.
Most of the time, Rochester just rocks the mutton chops, but when the going gets tough, he channels his inner mountain man.  Sadly, I could not find a picture of Rochester with a beard, but below is my mock up. You'll have to see the movie to get the real deal:

Check out one of his films!

Best Mustache, Female Performance:  Tina Fey in 30 Rock.  Liz Lemon's "Tom Selleck."
Catch an episode of 30 Rock!

Worst Mustache Drift (Where the hair on your head drifts down to your mustache):  Ryan Gosling as Old Dean in Blue Valentine.
Seriously how disappointing would it be to marry a dude who looks like Ryan Gosling, and then morph into this five years down the line?  Are the glasses and eagle shirt even ironic anymore?  What happened to my trophy hipster husband?!

Least Offensive Neck Beard:  Matthew Goode, Leap Year.  In general, I think a gentleman's beard should stop just below his chin.  But it looks scruffily appealing on Matthew Goode.  Don't try at home, dudes!
Check out one of his films!

Best Comedic Beard: Aziz Ansari.
Aziz's beard isn't inherently funny.  It's pretty standard actually, but he's good at making it the punch line of jokes.
"Come on, man, I got a full beard!" From: Human Giant
"He left you alone with a grown man with a full beard at Walking with Dinosaurs." From: Intimate Moments from a Sensual Evening

Best Comedic Mustache:  Nick Offerman as Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation.
Yes, I'm clearly biased towards Parks and Rec, but no one makes the mustache look manlier than Ron Swanson.  Also, that thing has been through quite the turmoil in the last season!
Find Parks and Recreation in the catalog!

Most Professorial Beard:  Michael Sheen.  
I feel smarter just looking at it!  But seriously is that Wayne Coyne?
Check out one of his films!

Dreamiest Half Beard:  Josh Holloway as Black Rider on Community.

His dreamy semi-beard can also be seen on Lost.

Best performance as Annie by a person with a full beard:  Zach Galifianakis on SNL.
Underneath that burly beard is the soul of a curly red-haired little orphan girl!
Check out one of his films!

Better Without Beard:  Andrew Garfield. 
Look Andrew, just because it worked for Ryan Gosling, doesn't mean it will work for you.  You're both still totally dreamy, but you are handsomer sans facial hair.  First off, you've never really made any effort towards a full beard.  Hair wisps just look sad.  Secondly, you look a little bit like Justin Bateman (that's good).  But any attempts at full beard might come off as a little Teen Wolf Too.
Check out one of his films!

Most Sculpted Facial Hair: Robert Downey Jr.
I love RDJ, but seriously, does he have a stencil he puts over his face every morning?
Check out RDJ's complex goatee in one of his films!

Best Side Burns: Jemaine Clement from Flight of the Concords.   

Lifetime Achievement of Facial Hair: Sam Rockwell
This dude is not afraid to embrace dramatic facial hair stylings, on screen or off. 
Check out his facial hair in one of his fine films!