Friday, April 1, 2011

Warning Sign of Things to Come: Musical Dealbreakers

"A while back, Dick, Barry and I agreed that what really matters is WHAT you like, not what you ARE like.  Books, records, movies, these things matter..."- Rob Gordon (John Cusack), High Fidelity (2000)

Paul Schneider can listen to whatever he wants.
Look, I'm not shallow.  I don't care what kind of music a guy likes, as long as he looks exactly like Paul Schneider...or has a beautiful soul.   But seriously, I can't say that I've ever dumped someone over their musical taste.  Of course, I've never dated a Nickelback fan either.  In general, having good taste in music is a big plus, but questionable taste isn't that big of a negative.  Breaking up with someone over music is a little extreme, sort of like dumping someone because they have poor taste in soda or because of that hideous shirt they always wear.  There are probably much bigger dealbreakers in the long run than you having to tolerate listening to the Ben Folds Five once in a while.

That being said, really, really horrible taste could be a warning sign of incompatibility.  What kind of person would unironcially listen to Billy Ray Cyrus or Foreigner in this day and age?  Were they raised in a cave?  Do they have an 80s haircut and/or wear acid wash jeans? The horror, the horror.  Likewise, if your significant other's CD collection consists entirely of bands that haven't been cool since the 90s, you have to wonder if something traumatic happened to make them stop listening to new things?  Or think Limp Bizkit was cool in the first place?  Nor do you ever, ever want to utter this phrase if you are older than 12, "This is my boyfriend, Nick...he's a juggalo."

Anyway, below is a list of different musical styles and bands decided on by our Media Corner panel of experts to be borderline dealbreakers.  We wouldn't sneak out of the bathroom window on a date if you admitted to liking one of these bands (unless you were wearing killer clown makeup), but we would probably choke on our soup a little bit.

Frat Rock: Creed, Three Doors Down, The Fray, Nickelback
Music by men who wear makeup and are not David Bowie: Kiss, Marilyn Manson, Insane Clown Posse
Wonderbread rock:  Matchbox 20, Dave Matthews Band, Rob Thomas, Sheryl Crow, Train
Oldies but not goodies: Aerosmith, Lynyrd Skynryd, Peter Frampton,  Rush
Relics of the 90s: Limp Bizkit, Kid Rock, Sum 41, Blink 182, Counting Crows, Joan Osborne, Meredith Brooks, 311, Sugar Ray, Smashmouth, Buckcherry, Third Eye Blind, Ace of Base, Bush, Oasis, etc.
Super Girly Music: Ace of Base,
Avril Lavigne, Spice Girls, Celine Dion, Gloria Estefan
Ska.
Showtunes.
Hip hop for Children: Criss Cross, WIll Smith.
Neo-Hippie: Phish
Blues Rock: John Mayer, Blues Traveler
Prog Rock.
Hair Metal: Poison, Def Leppard, Cinderella, Motly Crue, Foreigner,  Bon Jovi
Disco.
Country music that is really bad pop music with a twangy guitar:  Garth Brooks,  Sugarland, Rascal Flatts, Billy Ray Cyrus
Numetal.

Not to be confused with the Black Keys: The Black Eyed Peas

Okay, fellow music snobs, what styles and groups did we miss?  Or mistakenly denounce? 

1 comment:

  1. I find myself in the somewhat awkward position of being a Sheryl Crow apologist. While I can’t really say that I’m a fan of her entire catalog, she’s written some strong songs that definitely set her apart from the other justly derided artists in the “wonderbread rock” category. Sheryl Crow is essentially a roots rocker, or at least a pop songwriter with roots rock sensibilities. I'd argue that The Globe Sessions is at least as impressive as any other album that made it to the top ten of the Billboard 100 in the dark days of the late 1990s.

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