The 2012 Dundees: Our Alternative Oscars

 

Minus the divisive Tree of Life and the critically panned Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, this year's Oscar's Best Picture nominations seem even more safe and boring than last year's, when we at least had The Social Network to root for.  Worst of all, they totally snubbed my beloved Michael Fassbender.  And what's up with not nominating Drive for anything besides sound editing?  Does the Academy want to deny us Ryan Gosling dressed up in suit?  Albert Brooks and Cliff Martinez deserved nominations at least.  Oh well, at least Michelle Williams got a nomination for My Week with Marilyn (though it would have been cooler if it was for Meek's Cutoff). 

Anyway, below are my highlights of the year in Film and TV.  Think of it like the Oscars with 100 % more dreaminess (and 600% more Gosling)! 

Best Funny Movie of the Year:  The Trip.  Bridesmaids is probably the most laugh-out loud funny movie, but The Trip is more profound.  The movie follows British comedians Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon on a culinary tour of England, while both men deal with disappointments in their lives and career.  It's an interesting exploration of male friendship, but lest you think it's too serious it features some pretty funny sequences like Coogan and Brydon's dueling Michael Caine impressions.

Best Romantic Comedy:  Friends With Benefits.  I really liked the first part of this movie, which seemed like romantic comedy satire.  But it eventually turns into a regular rom-com at the end.  Sort of like a friend who is all cynical about love until they get a girlfriend or boyfriend and then you have tolerate their lovey-doveyness with a straight face.  However, I enjoyed the performances by Mila Kunis, Patricia Clarkson as Kunis's hippy mom, and Woody Harrelson as Justin Timberlake's coworker (who puts a whole new spin on the "gay best friend" role) enough to recommend it.

Runner-Up:  Crazy Stupid Love.  If this movie had just been about Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone's character, it probably would have been my favorite.  Their romance seemed sweet and naturally evolving and Emma Stone is super funny.  However, the Steve Carrell and Julianne Moore storyline, which is the bulk of the movie, seemed a little bit too contrived and treacly. 

Most Enviable Wardrobe, Male Performance:  Ryan Gosling in Crazy Stupid Love.  Speaking of Crazy Stupid Love, Gosling's Lothario character Jacob Palmer has a pretty sweet wardrobe.  Not quite as sweet as his abs though!

Most Enviable Wardrobe, Female Performance:  Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler) from Parks and Recreation.  This was a close call category.  I was tempted to go with Zooey Deschanel's Jess from New Girl, because I love Zooey's quirky vintage style.  But let's face it, she's dressed that way forever.  On the more-realistic end, I pretty much wished I owned everything Erin Hannon (Ellie Kemper) wears on The Office.  She has a cute and modest business wardrobe that doesn't looked picked out by a stylist.  However, I had to give it to Leslie, who went from a boxy, Hilary Clinton-esque wardrobe to more a more structured and feminine look. Several times this season, I have thought to myself "I want that shirt," so well played Leslie! 

Best Supporting Canine:  Cosmo as Arthur in Beginners.  Sorry Uggie, but I haven't seen The Artist yet.  It's hard not to fall for shaggy Arthur, especially when he's proposing marriage to Ewan MacGregor in subtitles.

Warning Sign of Things to Come: Musical Dealbreakers

"A while back, Dick, Barry and I agreed that what really matters is WHAT you like, not what you ARE like.  Books, records, movies, these things matter..."- Rob Gordon (John Cusack), High Fidelity (2000)

Paul Schneider can listen to whatever he wants.

Look, I'm not shallow.  I don't care what kind of music a guy likes, as long as he looks exactly like Paul Schneider...or has a beautiful soul.   But seriously, I can't say that I've ever dumped someone over their musical taste.  Of course, I've never dated a Nickelback fan either.  In general, having good taste in music is a big plus, but questionable taste isn't that big of a negative.  Breaking up with someone over music is a little extreme, sort of like dumping someone because they have poor taste in soda or because of that hideous shirt they always wear.  There are probably much bigger dealbreakers in the long run than you having to tolerate listening to the Ben Folds Five once in a while.

That being said, really, really horrible taste could be a warning sign of incompatibility.  What kind of person would unironcially listen to Billy Ray Cyrus or Foreigner in this day and age?  Were they raised in a cave?  Do they have an 80s haircut and/or wear acid wash jeans? The horror, the horror.  Likewise, if your significant other's CD collection consists entirely of bands that haven't been cool since the 90s, you have to wonder if something traumatic happened to make them stop listening to new things?  Or think Limp Bizkit was cool in the first place?  Nor do you ever, ever want to utter this phrase if you are older than 12, "This is my boyfriend, Nick...he's a juggalo."

Anyway, below is a list of different musical styles and bands decided on by our Media Corner panel of experts to be borderline dealbreakers.  We wouldn't sneak out of the bathroom window on a date if you admitted to liking one of these bands (unless you were wearing killer clown makeup), but we would probably choke on our soup a little bit.

That's a dealbreaker: Songs inspired by babies and parenthood

Perhaps it's my Grinch-like disposition (before he went all soft), but babies don't really give me the warm and fuzzies.  I don't dislike babies, though they do cry a lot and aren't potty trained, but I'm not one to break out in "coochie coos" at the site of a diapered tot either.  So, unsurprisingly, listening to people (especially new parents) talk about their kids is about as interesting to me as watching paint dry.  I'll listen to it and pretend to nod interestedly (I'm so polite), but it's one of my least favorite conversation topics.*  Anyway, since I can barely tolerate hearing about friends' and family members' tykes, I really don't want to listen to some person I've never met sing about their kid.   Especially when they have to be all sentimental, smug and saccharine about it. 

I prefer music that is on the gloomier side.  So some of my aversion comes from the fact some of the songs are so irritatingly joyful. Perhaps this is why I am the most tolerant towards Paul Simon's songs about his children, which tend to be less cloyingly sweet.  For instance, "That Was Your Mother" from Graceland, which contains these lyrics:

That was your mother

And that was your father

Before you were born, dude

When life was great

You are the burden of my generation

I sure do love you

But let's get that straight

Wouldn't you just love to be Paul Simon's kid?

On the flip side, I really can't stand Stevie Wonder's "Isn't She Lovely?"  Yes, Songs in the Key of Life is mostly a good album (even though it's a double album), but did he really need to start the song with the sound of his baby cooing? And the lyrics are sweeter than a packet of sugar:

Isn't she lovely

Truly the angel's best

Boy, I'm so happy

We have been heaven blessed

Is it anyone wonder that someone like me, whose heart is two sizes too small, just can't stand that song? 

Anyway, lest you think I have no cockles on my heart to warm, I do like a couple baby-inspired songs.  Most have a slightly more nuanced take on parenthood, though some just have a pretty killer beat:

That's a deal breaker: Less is More: Double Albums

I have an aversion to double albums.  Time wise, a double album is quite an investment. Blame it on a short attention span, but for me the ideal album length is between 40-45 minutes and no more than 13 songs.  Certainly there are exceptions to this rule, like Blonde on Blonde or London Calling, but an album would have to pretty fabulous to keep my attention much past the 50 minute mark. I'd much rather long to listen to an album again than wonder when it will be over.

Also, the more songs, the more chances are that at least one of them will be dreadful and usually it's more than that.  Many albums suffer from a smorgasbord effect, artists take on too many different styles and none all that successfully.  Or they let the drummer put his song on the album. Between the length and the somewhat hodgepodge quality, double albums feel less like fun and more like a homework assignment.

Exceptions to the Rule include:

The Beatles- White Album (1968).  I have a love hate relationship with this album, as in I love pretty much everything that John Lennon does on the album and hate pretty much everything else (especially everything by Ringo and "Savoy Truffle" and "Long, Long, Long"), though this is more-or-less my attitude towards everything done by the Beatles. Still the Beatles are at their experimental peak and it's hard to write off any album that has "Dear Prudence" and "Sexy Sadie" on it.
Find it in the Catalog!

Husker Dü- Zen Arcade (1984).
Find it in the Catalog!  

LCD Soundsystem-LCD Soundsystem (2005).
Find it in the Catalog!  

Magnetic Fields-69 Love Songs (1999).  The Magnetic Fields are a gateway drug to art rock, concept heavy with a nice, catchy pop sound.  I don't really love every moment out of the album's near 3 hours, but it's hard not to admire Stephin Merrit's songwriting.  The album spans several different genres and a variety of love relationships. Useless Magnetic Fields trivia, their accordionist/ keyboardist is Daniel Handler aka. Lemony Snicket.
Find it in the Catalog!

That's a deal breaker: Hidden Tracks and Endless Fuzz

From Urban Dictionary:

Usually used in a romantic context, here I am talking deal breakers of the musical variety.  Hidden tracks make me roll my eyes and push the fast forward button.  I'm sure that artists think they are giving their most loyal fans a special surprise by hiding songs after 20 minutes of silence (or worse yet, noise).  However, like after-the-credits movie scenes or tardy dates, hidden tracks are usually not worth waiting for.  Worse yet are when a band ends an album with several minutes of fuzz only to leave you hanging.  It's the album equivalent of standing you up. 

Not everyone is as crabby as me about hidden tracks.  The International Mixed Tape Project has an article about the art behind hidden tracks. So while I might grumble and moan when artists hide tracks or have extended silence, there are people out there who think that's really cool. Those people are just wrong... 

Here are some albums with hidden tracks and/or long bouts of silence, most are pretty good in spite of this: